Crohns Disease & Chronic Pancreatitis suck, yo.

I’m about to get out of the hospital again after my 7th surgery in the past 15 years for something Crohns related. I’ve have several small bowel resections, half my colon removed, gallbladder removed, appendix removed, and the biggest of all, just a few years ago, I had an ostomy for a small period in my life, but luckily had it reversed. I’m well aware this will not be my last stay in a hospital for something Crohns or Pancreatitis related, but I seriously hope to avoid any more slice and dice. I honestly cannot physically go thru any more surgeries. I just don’t have much left for them to remove.

This hospital stay was quite different than the past. It was one of the most difficult as wel as one of the most helpful. I had a team of doctors helping me, and from it I’m getting a new GI (again) but he is pretty amazing. Reminds me of a slightly older version of my first GI who I considered a miracle worker. My first GI literally saved my life. I was misdiagnosed in the beginning and was treated for Cancer. The treatments ended up hurting me greatly, and even to this day the damage remains and is the reason I don’t get to live much longer. I am beginning new meds (again) that show promise and will be entering new drug trials for meds that are still experimental. I’m totally cool with that. Which is also why I chose years ago to donate my body to science and research for Crohns Disease studies after my death. If my dead body can somehow prevent at least one person in the future from going through anything I’ve been through, then rock on. Chop up my body and help them. I’m well aware I live in a time where a cure is highly unlikely, and the pharmaceutical companies control a great deal of that area, but logically, there is a cure or method out there to help Crohnies live. We’ve just yet to stumble upon it.

Going through this stuff over and over isn’t easy, and for a long time I did it alone, but now I am actually doing all of this for someone other than myself. My wife has been amazing from day one. She has been my rock, my voice of reason, a total bitch when needed, and a saint when needed. I didn’t know that love could ever be so strong. Not just love for me, but the fact that now I actually can care about someone else more than I care for me. Cause honestly, in the past, I’m #1. My past relationships have been hard due to my medical problems. Mostly because the girls were overwhelmed and immature for most of it. Which I totally understand and hold no hard feelings. (and luckily because of the meds I think, I barely remember their voices or faces) but Mandy is something else. Talk about an ideal woman to have in your life, yo. I sometimes cannot believe she’s my wife. This woman loves me and gives me a reason to wake up. Gives me a reason to smile. But above it all, she showed me purpose to life and that I don’t have to fight this by myself. It’s still hard to accept the help sometimes and to admit vulnerability, but in the end, I just want her to be happy and if that means I gotta go through some harsh treatments for a chance to even spend one more second in her presence, then so be it.

Time is simply a concept. The duration is only what we perceive. A lifetime of pain is worth a nanosecond of love in the end. If you can comprehend that at all, you will die happy.


3 Down Within 2 Weeks of 2016

We began the year with losing Lemmy. I had no idea how much he impacted me til he was gone. But wait… shortly after that we lose David Bowie. Seriously? So not fair to the world. If any musician deserved to be immortal, he is definitely one of them. (besides Marilyn Manson and very few others) Then today I awaken to the news of Alan Rickman dying. This is a bit too much all at once. I suppose the world must fall apart at some point to have a proper reboot, and with the lack of talent and inspiration, it could be possible. Mankind is fueled by “inspiration” it seems, and when there is nothing worthy of that, then figuring it out yourself doesn’t always work out for us all.


Lemmy, Bowie, & Rickman

Red Baron Pizza

Why is Red Baron pizza so good? I remember even eating it when I was a wee boy on Saturday mornings watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Their pepperoni is better than everyone else? For a frozen pizza, they rock the shit out of the pizza pie world.

that’s all I have to say about that.

Damn 2015, You Were Awesome. (1st Post)

Well, the biggest news for me of 2015 is that I got married. Never thought I ever would consider it, but when true love slaps you in the face like the backhand of a heavy-set pimp, things change. I actually found someone I can care about more than myself and will literally do anything for. And apparently she digs me as well. I gotta say, being married is fantastic. At least so far. I suppose we are still “newlyweds” since we got married in October. In other news this year, we sadly lost our rescue kitty Stella Blue. She was an amazing girl with eyes that matched her fur. I miss her ever so much, but her kidneys suddenly failed. We have no idea why. Speaking of health, mine has got worse. I was additionally diagnosed with Chromic Pancreatitis about a year ago, and now my pancreas is just failing. This combined with the severe Crohns Disease is taking a harsh and defeating toll on me. I’m glad I have someone in my life right now to support me while I’m going through this. I’m taking new meds in hopes to help this, but so far there has yet to be much change. Let’s change topics! Terminator Genisys… You see that shit? What a big piece of damnit. You know what was good? Mortal Kombat X. That game is sweet like bear meat, son. Basically the only reason I own a PlayStation 4. Cause let’s be honest, the PS4 is nice, but the library is horrid. The UI is a mess as well. No organization. Lazy coders..  In television, we got a new face for the Doctor, and as of a few weeks ago, another (new) sonic screwdriver. We barely get to see it in the Christmas special though. Speaking of Christmas, mine was fantastic. My stupid anxiety hindered me a bit during new family stuff though. I just get weird. If these people saw me in my comfort zone, they would be embarrassed to know I’m legally part of their family now, I’m sure. Everyone is pretty cool though. Very different than the people I’m used to, but I come from the south, playa. I only know dumbasses. The south brings me to my final mention of 2015 and it’s a sucky one. I lost a great friend this year. They didn’t die, but they have chosen to take different paths and make certain choices for their life in that I cannot bring myself to witness. Being there for a friend no matter what is harder than you think sometimes. Especially when you expect so much better and so much different. Maybe it’s all on me though. I know I’ve changed a lot over the years. We all do, I suppose. So, any New Years Resolutions? Meh.. I would like to start playing my guitar more. Do more things with the wifey. Maybe travel a little. Hopefully gain some weight.